I was on Twitter today and saw the tag #EroticJournalChallenge, which led me to sex blogger Brigit Delaney’s awesome website! Every week of the challenge, she posts a prompt and, I must admit, this week’s caught my eye and tugged at my heartstrings.
People who Know Me (with a capital K and M) recall the teenage roller coaster relationship between my first love and I. The following fulfills this week’s challenge: a letter to him, which is over two decades in the making.
Hey Big Head,
I hope you’re well. I mean, we’re social media friendly these days but back then?
Back then, we couldn’t get enough of each other.
Twenty-five years – that’s how long it’s been since we first met. I was fifteen and all boobs. You were seventeen and all bravado. We were both babies, though. Two insecure virgins trying to prove to one another who loved the other more.
Sounds of Brandy and Biggie punctuate a rush of memories: making out in the back of your cousin’s ride, cuddling up with you as we spun tales about how we’d go to the same college, bantering about which Prince B-side was truly the best (and that answer is still How Come U Don’t Call Me Anymore, BTW.). Our puppy love was more like a bulldog at times, a mix of childlike abandon and passionate recklessness. It was a vibe we thought would last forever.
But, in reality, it lasted roughly eight months.
The making out devolved into senseless arguments.
The college daydreams turned into petty high school nightmares.
And not even Prince’s Adore – the song that played the night we made love for the first time – could save us.
We met in September.
You dumped me in May.
And shit was never the same.
I grew up that post-breakup year, crying and laughing and burning up your shit. (Kidding…because vandalism is still a crime, right? Right.) Soon I found myself preparing to go away to college without you – something I didn’t think I could do. So many times, I imagined myself going up to my mother’s room and saying, “I don’t want to go to Iowa because I think me and him, we might get back together someday.”
I’m glad I never had the ridiculous gall to say that out loud because Iowa changed my life. I met my best friends and the future love of my life in this square state. I’ve built two decades of laughs, tears, and memories here.
So I gotta thank you.
Thank you for showing up in my life when you did.
Thank you for teaching me about Prince and about my body.
Thank you for dumping me, forcing me to listen to Jagged Little Pill in a depressive state for three months straight.
Thank you for being my first love lesson. My first love.