“There is no pleasure that I haven’t made myself sick on.”
― Philip Seymour Hoffman
I’d never take advice from a dead man, but the late Mr. Hoffman spoke to my answer to this week’s Erotic Journal Challenge: What makes you feel sexy?
Indulgence. Greedy, self-serving indulgence makes me feel sexy.
I’m a child of the Eighties, the decade of Dynasty, corporate ladder climbers, and the iconic Imelda Marcos. I was raised to believe I could attain any and everything I wanted. And so I believed.
I adore my indulgences. Anything from a piping hot bubble bath to vocal morning sex to two-hour lunch breaks titillate me. Some of my indulgent behaviors could be classified by persons of a higher moral standing as vices. I can’t say I disagree. I’m no saint but I still have a few more bodies to bury before I refer to myself as outright evil. In fact, up until recently, I thought every woman was more than a little selfish.
Then I found this gem at a book sale and it spoke to me:
I’m roughly halfway through the book and I’ve found many parallels to myself in it.
Some parallels made me laugh.
Most made me think.
None made me feel guilty.
Since I’ve turned forty, I’ve found very little time to feel bad about my greedy tendencies. I work hard to raise two children with my husband. I wrote eleven novels in five years. My listening skills have improved and my knee-jerk judgment has subsided greatly. So if I want to enjoy fried chicken, boudoir photo shoots, edibles, masturbatory activities, and/or drop the occasional ‘Fuck’ every once in a while (read: roughly every thirty minutes), so be it.
Everyone is taken care of, so I’ll be damned if I don’t find (mainly) harmless pleasures in an effort to take care of myself. My indulgences craft the stories of my life, some of which will die with me. The ones I choose to share, however, are gems that I hope teach the girls and women who follow me that a little greed is good as long as you’re kind, present, and grateful.
I’ll be compulsive until my last breath. This body, this being of mine is a vice in human form. I’m peace and passion. Religion and rage. Tarot and terror. Crystals and crazy.
And it’ll probably land me in hell, but I think me and the devil’ll get along just fine.